well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
