So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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