I think im going to throw up on grandma
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
