i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
