I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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