Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
