other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
