We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
