Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
