I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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