I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize