Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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