I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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