that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When did angry sex become our thing?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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