When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
