Sry I called you an 8
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
