Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
