I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
