Will you blow on my dice?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
