Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
