Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
