Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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