I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
