You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
