it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize