screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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