wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
