I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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