Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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