he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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