Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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