He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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