remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You ate ashes out of my bong
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
