It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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