Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
