she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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