If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
im on a boat
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