Barsexuality is the new black.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
