Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
