I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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