When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
