all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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