Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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