i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
