good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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