The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
