My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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