Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
