when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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