Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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