dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize