I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
