she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
