you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
