Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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