i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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