she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
