There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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