She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
