i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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