I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
