Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
