please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
