Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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