is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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