My brain says no but my pants say off.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
