go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
