She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
