Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
