well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's official drugs can't kill me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
