Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
