I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
